Why do no one's parents drink water?

If existing purely on tea was an Olympic sport...

I strain my brain trying to think of the last time I saw my mam with a glass of water in her hands. The 90s, maybe? Her hydration comes exclusively from cups of tea and coffee, and a Lucozade or Fanta for special occasions, like Christmas.

She simply, does not drink H2O. I observe other people her age behaving the same. Washing down their dinner with mugs of tea or getting their energy from can after can of Coke. The same people who warned us that too many sweets would rot our teeth, mind you.

Meanwhile, I spend the day in a sip, wee, refill waterbottle, loop in an attempt to meet my recommended daily 2 litres. That’s around 8 glasses of water per day. Or 2 standard-size Stanley cups. Is this where it all went wrong for Boomers? Their brains never developed an emotional attachment to a rose-quartz tin water bottle.

Are we the crazy (but hydrated) ones? Millennials and Gen Z are obsessed with water. Thanks to its virality in the past couple of years, Stanley Cup sales have gone from around $70 million in 2019 to $750 million in 2023. Then there’s the emergence of electrolyte tablets and powders, supplements mixed with water to maximise hydration. Throw your eye over any shop’s soft drink offering, and you’ll also spot seltzer and vitamin water, new additions to the very profitable world of hydration.

We’re told that water is the key to healthy, beauty and mental clarity. It’s the cure for all of our ailments. Headache? Down a glass of water. Bad skin? Invest in a beaker inscribed with motivational prompts to chug your way to clear skin. There’s no such thing as too much water.

My tiny bladder says otherwise, as I’m on my 7th wee break of the day, before 11 am. I’ve lost touch with my body, I don’t drink when I feel like I need to, I continually drink all day because I feel like I have to. Meanwhile, I hear my Mam, clanging at the microwave to reheat the one cup of coffee she’s existing on for the day, because she forgot about it.

Capitalism has us hook, line, and sinker. We’ll never own a home, but at least we have total control of our water intake - we can even download an app that will praise us for each ml consumed.

Maybe our parents have the right idea. Free from the shackles of carrying around a waterbottle that weighs as much as a newborn. There’s a real possibility that we’re overreliant, borderline obsessive, about water consumption. While it can’t be good for your insides to only experience tea, surely we can find a middle ground where we’re hydrated, but not ruled by it.